August 31, 2010

• …rising wild, new paths of flight…

  so, i’m pretty much crap at updating lately.  i know.  i’m just busy.  and it makes me tired.  and then i don’t bother to get up extra-early just to let my fingers trip and babble across my keyboard.  which is kind of a shame–i was getting pretty impressed with the happy way i’ve worn most of the letters off the keys, lol.

  being on the computer so much for class (coupled with the fact that i’m getting a much-needed upgrade in just a few months) has kept me away from general web socializing.  plus, since i get email and all that fancy junk on my phone, i hardly have to sit down to check daily stuff anymore.  but, mostly, it’s the pathetic wheezing and grumbling this old beast produces that scares me into submission.  lex told me i can clean some of that up, and i’m definitely going to give it a try.  i feel rather guilty not giving this compy a quality run straight through to the end.

  which brings me back to being here, typing, at last.  as previously mentioned, things have been busy.  i’ve got this vast class schedule that i’m trying my best to adhere to, in the hopes of (being, ever, the over-achiever) finishing my classwork in less than half the time prescribed.  so far, so good.  and with a solid, unscathed perfect grade to boot. 

  interesting facet of being back in class?  i’ve completely re-hatched old tendencies of neurotic organization and a constant race for perfection.  God help me, i do love a good routine.  it’s funny how, especially within the last week or so, i’ve begun to string together this set of very specific *ways for getting things done*.  essentially, it all boils down to this:  work until my eyes feel ready to pop out, my fingers are ready to fall off, and my neck becomes incapable of holding my head up any longer.  it seems to be working.  i’ve done twice as much work already this week as i’d accomplished in weeks previously.  i just don’t want to become so totally driven that i push everything else completely to the side.

  because there’s a lot of other stuff going on.  mom went back for a check-up on the cancer stuff and reports came back…well, totally inconclusive, really.  the cancer in the abdomen?  yeah, that’s taken care of.  that potentially brand-new spot on her lung?  new cause for concern.

  and my g.mother lapsed into uncontrolled issues with her GERD (plainly:  acid reflux) that left her entirely ill and confined to the recliner in her living room.  now she’s going in for an ultrasound on friday–just to make sure there’s nothing more serious in play. 

  so it’s been fairly complex in the ways of Dealing with Daily Life around the old neighborhood for the past week or two.  it’s always rough, because i’m kinda the buffer for everyone.  i listen to how each is feeling, what each feels about what the others are feeling, and try my best to do it without heaving too obvious a sigh.  the drama, it seems, never ends

  and speaking of great dramas, how about this?  a raging, mostly-internal fury over repugnant comments made by an ultra-conservative (however read: also ultra-ignorant) person of small acquaintance on facebook.  lex posted a few things about the whole glenn beck rally mess and made some mention of the mosque in nyc, and i made a comment back on one of the items (a glenn beck item, since the female contingent [minus me] of my family is utterly convinced that he has All the Answers) and got a snotty comment thrown my way by this guy.

  allow me to say a few things.  first:  i have been very good.  i didn’t go out and post a snarky, obnoxious comment back (the number of snarky, obnoxious things i uttered to lex about this idiot?  that’s another story )  second:  the guy is a known jerk.  with horrible spelling.  and bad grammar.  who happens to be an administrator at a school.  wonderful. 

  in other words, any inch of space i have given him to be a bland and unsurprising moron has been a huge sacrifice on my part.  i’m aware that people like him aren’t open to hearing other opinions.  and, therefore, no matter what i say–no matter how eloquently put, perfectly researched, or kindly stated–would make a dent in his unsupported theories and wildly parroted beliefs.

  but when someone–when a Christian–says something to the effect of, "bring on the mosques.  when Jesus returns, it’ll be that many more Muslims who fall," all i can think is, "WOW."

  i desperately want to say to him, for the sake of christian believers everywhere, "that’s a problem!"  you can’t go around saying such self-righteous, repulsive things and expect other people to take them well.  if one of the biggest overall goals of the christian faith is to bring others to God’s light, then why–WHY–would anyone want to show such vile hate towards any group of people–regardless of their race/age/gender/faith/identity/clothes/whatever else people are so vehemently against these days.

  all i’m saying is, if i were walking on the edge of belief v. disbelief, i’d veer straight into the lane of disbelief–if it appeared to me, as this does, that belief means you have to proclaim death to those around you.  and, besides, that whole "death to infidels" thing is sorta the stereotypical "muslim tag-line" christians (perhaps–more accurately–the media) have come to fear, right?  silly parrot.  learn some new tricks.

  anyway, blah blah blah, i know.  i never post, then i show up and gripe for a whole post.  sorry   maybe tomorrow i’ll manage to get up early and i’ll have something super-cheerful to say.

  maybe.

   

  • 4:20 pm
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