February 9, 2011
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…talking to myself…
i know i’m a grown-arse woman, but sometimes i still like to play pretend. like around here, at the village star studios? well, i’m the only employee. but there are times when i still like to imagine that i work with several people, and it doesn’t have anything to do with being lonely. it’s much more due to my theatre background—i just like to have a full cast of characters. so there are days when i will just kind of let my head wander while i’m working on whatever project (serious or random). and that’s when this sort of thing happens.
this morning, i was just finished putting out feelers for new job opps when i skipped over to a few news sites, and was shocked to discover that the musical mishaps of super bowl sunday are still in the news. first of all, the fact that they were news to begin with? well, that just tickles every cynical inch of me in a most unpleasant way. but, i have to admit, i spent two hours of my sunday night camped out on my parents’ sofa to check out commercials in a life-long tradition that i’ve kept with my mom. these days, i occupy my time with crafting while the tv’s on, since tv in and of itself has become a bizarre foreign presence in my life. anyway, my point is that i was present when christina aguilera botched the national anthem. and i sat through the black eyed peas’ uncomfortable halftime performance.
so freakin’ what?
we should all be honest here, folks. raise your hand if you were watching the super bowl and got confused when christina aguilera started singing, because you thought that (surprisingly fully-clothed for freaking once in her life!) girl from glee had already done the national anthem. go ahead. no one can see you put that little paw right up in the air. because a heap of reports and recollections i’ve read since sunday have said just that. some large percentage of the nation wasn’t even aware that there was a difference between “america the beautiful” and “the star-spangled banner”. (go ahead, again. raise your hand if you were also unaware that the name of our national anthem was something more involved than, “the national anthem”.
did christina aguilera screw up some lyrics? yep. did half the country go, “huh?” when she started singing because they thought that other girl had already done it? yep. using that principle–and a little george carlin “ten commandments” revision action here–i’m going to go ahead and officially make that story NOT NEWS.
now. the black eyed peas. anyone who knows me knows that, despite my otherwise exceptional and completely flawless taste in all manner of actual music, i have a passionate and completely bizarre hero-crush on fergie. i don’t want to dress like her, sound like her, look like her, smell like her, date her, climb a mountain with her, or even freaking meet her. there is no suitable explanation for the fact that i can even stand her existence. but for some reason, i just can’t hate her. but even if i absolutely loathed the woman, i’d still have to shrug at the people who are making such a big deal over how much the half-time show sucked.
really?
when hasn’t it sucked? remember last year? when the who played? remember how people complained the next day? the who played and people whined all week. and the year before that? bruce springsteen. and before that? tom petty & the heartbreakers. and before that? prince. and every single year the halftime show has sucked. the next morning, all the cable news shows are like, “wow. that aerosmith is really getting up in years. did you see their halftime show? really unfortunate.”
how are we not used to the fact that every time the super bowl comes around, all the sound techs are shrugging and throwing their hands up in the air saying, “wow! it just snuck up on us! should we think of a way to mix this so it sounds good in the stadium and on tv?” then the janitor walks by and he’s like, “nah. the people at home get up for refills on snacks at halftime. plus they’re drunk by then, so they won’t care. you guys chill out and just do your thing.” and all the sound techs are like, “sweet. thanks, man.” and then the janitor gives them this crazy deep all-knowing look and pushes his little janitor cart around the corner. and then the sound techs see that he dropped his hat or broom or something, so one of them runs to catch him, but when they get around that same corner, he’s gone. like he just disappeared in a mist, or something. at least that’s how it goes in the movie.
let’s go back to the drawing board for another revision: if the super bowl halftime show always sucks, and this year it sucked, then no one can be surprised. so, we’ve effectively made this year’s sucky halftime show NOT NEWS.
holy crap. in less than ten minutes, i’ve eliminated two of today’s top news stories. give me egypt; i’m getting scheisse done!
anyway, to get back to the point: when i pretend that there are more people than just me wandering around this place, i like to think that we’re an important enough organization that tabloids would report on even the most obscure events of our days. and today, the tabloid would say something like this:
“confused lols were overheard at village star headquarters early wednesday morning, when it was discovered that the unfortunate events of super bowl sunday were still in the news. one editor quipped, ‘when you get paid over 100 zillions of dollars to do it next year and you pull it off without a hitch, then you can come back and complain.’”
