October 13, 2010
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halloween: because the rest of the year, that outfit would be tacky.
am i the only person who has noticed the dramatic push by the halloween marketing industry to really sell those couples costumes this year? i know they’ve always existed, but it seems like they’re being showcased as the hottest new item for this halloween, and i just don’t get it.
i guess this is due, in part, to the fact that i’ve never really been interested in dressing as a couple. i caved to this concept one halloween and ended up wearing a red bed sheet, after spending an hour using liquid latex and tissues to give my date a scarred-up face. we went as marv and goldie from sin city. i wasn’t blonde. he was a jerk. it was a bad year.
as i was browsing the news this morning, i came across an article showcasing this year’s top couples costumes. which looked a lot like 2008′s top couples costumes to me. well, in all fairness, avatar hadn’t come out yet–so those costumes weren’t around two years ago. but…seriously. i decided to do a little browsing and came to a speedy conclusion. there’s nothing new under the pre-fabbed sun. also, an i point out that four of the five articles i’m drawing from here started with the phrase, "halloween is october 31." really? no wonder there’s not a lot of thinking outside the costume box here–that’s like the saddest halloween enjoyment ever:
"honey, doesn’t halloween happen in the fall?"
"…yeah, that seems right…"
"oh no! how will we ever narrow it down to a month? much less a day?!"
"i’ve got this under control: let’s go shop for costumes. the people at the store will have to know what day it is."
anyway, here are some of, what the industry is touting as, the best selections:
the plug and socket, charmingly modeled by a very blasé justin timberlake.
wow.
this costume actually only comes with the handcuffs–clothes not included. i think it would be quite a bit more entertaining without the clothes, which is–perhaps–what the manufacturer intended. also, it was out of stock–with a note that, "we are unsure if this product will be available again." special.
what’s wrong with this? where should i begin? nevermind. i think you can manage. i’ll give you a hint: start out somewhere around the creepy nipples screenprinted on adam’s chest, there, or the terrible wig they put eve in.
this one is just called batman and sexy robin. maybe my childhood has escaped me, but i don’t remember robin being a girl.
or, of course, there’s batman and catwoman. but that leads to this:
really? this is like skinny jeans: only three people exist in the whole world who could wear this, and if you think you’re one of them, you should just go ahead and choose something else.
have you seen the commercial where the mom duct tapes the cardboard and flashlights to the kid to make an iron man costume? yeah. me too.
any variation on the hippie theme: if you’re going to do it, go to a goodwill. don’t bother to spend the forty bucks per costume from a store. for forty bucks at goodwill, you could go home with costumes, a water bed, and a gently used car. jeez.
enough said.
i kid you not, the caption for this on the site i got it from was, "why not switch the position up a bit?" and doesn’t he look like he belongs on kids in the hall?
this was an example on one of the sites, and it was listed as, "a super-easy option." really? somehow i wouldn’t call the flashy gold tassels on prince charming’s jacket or the bump-it-worthy ‘do and fully-bustled skirt of cinderella *super-easy*.
but this has to be my favorite. it’s not elegantly detailed or wildly inventive, but–as a vegan–it is deliciously ironic.
and that’s that.
anyone out there got a good defense for the couples costume? what imaginative ensemble would you attempt?
