yesterday after the perfunctory meal preparation/consumption, rounds of family visits, and careful avoidance of mounds of leftovers, lex an i discussed the possibilities of the black friday experience.  in the past i’ve been known to go to wal*mart just to gawk at the crazies, but i’ve never been one to set out with a mission in mind–i like to preemptively protect myself from the disappointments of missing out on that perfect deal–and the succeeding overwhelming desire for cunning manipulation (or all-out death-and-destruction style vengeance.)

i’d made entirely random mention at some point that it could be fun to go check out the madness, but by the time it got close to midnight there was a massive plan afoot.  the mission:  a wireless streaming capable blu-ray player and an lcd tv.  uh oh.  that found lex and me on the road to target somewhere between midnight and one o’clock.  by the time we got there a considerable line had formed–but we thought our chances still seemed good.  we waited until the doors opened (at 4:00 a.m.) but the wait wasn’t terrible.  we were in line amongst people who provided both decent companionship and excellent behind-the-hand snark.  i didn’t even have to unearth the pig playing cards from my purse to keep us occupied.

when the doors finally opened, we hit the store like a shot.  we’d come up with an elaborate scheme to get to the area we needed to access–but we just weren’t quite close enough in line to make it to the tv we’d gone for.  instead, we came upon the empty pallets just in time to see a middle-aged woman gathering three of them around her.  i’ll be honest, after the thrilling adrenaline kick of racing for those pallets, i was ready to snatch one and make off with it.  if i’d been positive that i could’ve carried it by myself (and made it through check-out and out of the store without being confronted by the security detail, i’d have done it.  lex took the wiser route, calling out to a zone manager, “hey.  is she really allowed to just do that?”  the managed just sorta shrugged, obviously having been warned not to piss anyone off.  but the lady, oooooohhhhh, the lady!  she gave lex the most evil sneering look and said in a nasty voice, “i have two other people with me.  they just have to get carts.”

now.  let me say something.  you can say pretty much anything to me, and–in general–i’ll take it in stride.  true, i may brood about it and vent my thoughts to one trusted soul (lex) later.  but i don’t usually just launch back a volley of attacks if confronted–or i’m at least wise enough to walk away before the cops come.

that being said, do not.  DO NOT.  mess with my man.  seriously.  if you say one word to him that could be construed, in my mind, as cross, then you should be prepared for my wrath.  i don’t know what it is that makes me so endlessly and entirely devoted to that concept; all i’m saying is that you’d be safest if you took heed of the warning.

this lady, having been so unnecessarily rude to lex, immediately became my arch enemy.  i had to walk away immediately just so i wouldn’t go over, grab one of those tvs, and break it over her head.  in that moment, i was ready to revoke my good nature in favor of a bit of the old ultra-violence.  after a few moments of (not completely successfully) clearing my thoughts, i started a new mission:  following her little troupe of three tvs in carts around the store…just waiting for one of those people to leave their cart unattended for a moment.  i can be crafty and swift when the situation demands it, and i’d have been at my finest point!  thankfully for my karma, i didn’t manage to find enough of a window to carry out that (marginally) evil deed.

completely distraught over the fact that lex had lost out on the deal, i joined him in the mini.  i was so frustrated and bummed.  but we still had a little time to see about snagging the next round of deals, so we headed to wally.

success!  we managed to snag a blu-ray player from a wrapped stack in electronics and wander off to a different part of the store before anyone could make us put it back.  we also discovered that the line for the second option tv looked fairly promising.  within thirty minutes there, we had everything we needed.  no cranky, vile woman being terrible to my sweetie; no terrible, disorganized rush of panicked patrons towards severely limited products.

the longest wait we had was the line to check out with a last minute grab–a much-needed hdmi cable  

in general, i’ll bash wally all day long.  it frustrates me that it’s basically the only place within 30 miles to get everything you need for day to day life.  plus, right now i’ll take the hits to my conscience if it means that i spend even a buck less per week.  every cent counts at the moment!  i have to say, though, that their black friday procedures were developed by an extremely consumer-conscious individual.  target’s process seemed to have been the chore of someone who took a nap until the last minute then woke up in a panic before coming to the conclusion that preparing for black friday wasn’t really a huge deal.

lex had received a receipt ticket that would allow us to take the car around to have the tv loaded by some staffers.  thank goodness the deal he got wasn’t for a tv that was an inch bigger!  the box just barely fit into the back of the mini.  let’s put it this way, the seats were definitely in the default position!  the laughs we shared with the guys who managed to make that work were those of two very giddy, sleep-starved, adrenaline-pumped individuals after having completed an improbable task.

anyway, very long story made very short:  like everything lex gets me into, black friday turned out to be a wild adventure.  we made it home by 6:30 a.m. with everything lex needed to set up an entertainment center for the living room, and he’s already got it all hooked up and fixed up and perfect!  we watched a few random minutes of various things to see how the picture was, but we finally ended up settling down to an episode of mxc–followed by an original episode of takeshi’s castle.  fun!!

i won’t ever pretend:  i’d totally wear it.

after the long day and the crazy night, it was so awesome to be able to curl up with him and enjoy the final product of the deals we managed to snag.

so here’s to you, black friday–i’m not exactly certain that i’d like to make a thing of it, but i guess if you’re really up to something good next year we might meet again.

 

ahh, thanksgiving:  the family and friends!  the festive cornucopia!  the fifty-six pound turkey!  

in general, a meal centering around a massive bird is not an event that will bring the vegans a-runnin to the table.  as i constantly try to illustrate, i take every stride i can to be a kind vegan.  i don’t expect the rest of the world to cater to me–i know i’m in the minority, and–moreover–i chose the lifestyle.  why would i want to impose myself?  besides, you’ve seen ugly vegans.  do they have a chance at making you want to change your mind about a cheeseburger?  pfft.

i’m lucky to have a family who was laid back about making concessions:  no, the green beans do not have to have ham in them.  likewise, the corn does not need to be pre-buttered.  my grandmother, bless her country heart, even went to the trouble of coming up with a vegan gravy recipe.  i mean, really, i have an amazing family, which is something i can easily be thankful for at thanksgiving.  

i have never minded, though, fending for myself.  i feel like it’s the responsible thing to do.  i still like to contribute to the family feast, and in previous years of vegetarianism i was always in charge of the green bean casserole.  this year when it came time to talk…well…turkey…i offered that i could still do the green beans–if my family would be willing to try them in vegan form.  mom, ever supportive of even my oddest whims, gave me the go-ahead.

the ingredients of green bean casserole are, basically, cream of mushroom soup (not vegan), milk (not vegan), green beans, and french’s french fried onions (surprisingly, vegan*).  last year, i used soymilk, so everything was vegan except for the soup.  which brought me to this year.  full-on vegan and in need of a substitute.  thanks to places like earthfare, you can actually find items like vegan cream of mushroom soup.  but i didn’t want to make the trip–when i could make a culinary adventure out of it instead!

so, tonight, i played in the kitchen and ended up with the most amazing soup that–i think–even a non-vegan could love.  i adapted it for my own use from a recipe that i found here.  i’m going to use it in the green bean casserole tomorrow, and i’ll let you know how that turns out.  but for now, i have to share the recipe, because it is to die for.

vegan cream of mushroom soup

13 oz. canned mushrooms (drained, but save the liquid!)

liquid from mushrooms

1 c. silk pure almond milk (original)

5 tsp cornstarch

1/3 onion, finely chopped

1/4 tsp garlic powder

salt and pepper to taste

1)  mix the mushroom liquid with enough water to make 1 cup.  mix this with the milk in whatever pot makes you comfortable.

2)  remove about 1/2 of the liquid and gradually mix the corn starch with it.

3)  return liquid/corn starch mix to pot and add onion and garlic.  mix well.  heat to boiling, stirring constantly.  cook until it thickens to your taste.  add salt and pepper to taste.

4)  add the mushrooms.  (i cooked mine a bit after i added them, just to soften them up a bit.)

store, covered, in the fridge.  should keep for a few days.

 

i know it kinda looks like puke.  but it tastes delicious, i promise!

one of the best parts?  super low-calorie and almost fat free!  (in fact, if you change the brand and type of soy/almond/rice milk, you could make the stats even lower.)  using these ingredients in these measurements, mine came to 350 calories and 2.5 grams of fat for the whole pot.  seriously.  the whole pot.  and that’s why it’s tough to meet a calorie burn as a vegan.

if you give it a shot and totally love it, please let me know.  if you don’t, well…you suck 

happy thanks-g-day everybody.  i’ll see you again soon!

*the packaging states that they’re processed on equipment that is also used to process things that contain milk.  in general, i let this slide.  (i like peta’s stance on the *accidentally vegan* foods:  a company that specializes in non-vegan foods, who also happens to make something that is surprisingly vegan, is okay to support for the fact that they made the effort.)

ahh, it’s good to be back.  the things i have to share with you!  rants, ravings, fun in the kitchen and on the road–it’s all about to happen right here!  in fact, heck, we’ll just get down to business!

for a few months now i’ve been itching to get back into the habit of cooking fresh.  with school and family and general life getting priority over fun stuff like blogging and sewing tiny, stuffed piggies, i’ve been a little preoccupied.  thus, i’ve lived off of cereal, the occasional sandwich, and rings and tots on survivor night.  yeah, uber healthy, right?  but, hey, i’ve managed to shoot through a ten-month course in less than four months.  i’ll take the poor karma stomach bomb for that.

anyway, with things starting to get a little more under control, i thought i’d celebrate by getting back into the kitchen.  and thanks to an awesome boyfriend, three very…um…helpful?…cats, and a few extra minutes of free time, this week has been an excellent culinary adventure!

first up:  avocado salad!

when lex and i were in florida, we hit up a local mexican joint that served the most incredible guacamole dip ever.  it wasn’t blended smooth; instead it was chunks of avocado, onion, jalapeño, and fresh sprigs of cilantro–more like the avocado salad on the salsa bar at our local mexican go-to.  it was fresh and hot as hell, lol.  we analyzed it to death while we were in the restaurant and it seemed super easy, so we gave it a shot.  the recipe isn’t quite complete yet…there’s something that wasn’t quite spot on, but it’s a good start, definitely tweakable.  if you give it a shot and come up with some awesome missing measurement or ingredient, let me know!

fresh avocado salad

2 hass avocados

1 roma tomato

1/3 small onion

2 jalapeños

1/4 lime, juiced

salt, pepper, and fresh chopped cilantro to taste

1)  peel and chop avocados; chop tomato, onion, and jalapeños.

2)  combine all in bowl with lime juice

3)  add salt, pepper, and cilantro to taste

enjoy!

fresh avocado salad and homemade tortilla chips.  yum!

 

yeah, i’m chiding myself.  i’ve been (yet again) bad about updating around here.  and it’s still for the same reasons:  school all day and all night leaves me with very little spare time, my computer is in a sad, sad state, blah blah blah.

true, my days are crazy.  i’m up anywhere around 4:30 a.m. to 6:30 a.m., depending on my mood, and i usually don’t stop running full speed until somewhere between 10:30 p.m. and midnight.  in my waking hours i go to school, help my family, clean myself, clean up around here, locate food, and attempt to keep my head on straight.  i love being busy, don’t get me wrong, but i’d like a little bit of time on my hands to do the things i like to do.  like blog.  and cook.  and play games.  and watch something on tv (or hulu, in my case) without feeling like i should be doing something else with that time.  it’s frustrating, but from what i hear, that’s sorta what you get from adulthood to death.  oh joy.

i don’t mean to sound so cynical and grumpy about it.  i’m making great strides to better the time situation, and i’m actually starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel!  i’ll be wrapping up my class hours next week–if i stay on the schedule i’m on right now, i’ll actually finish two days earlier than the four month deadline i set for myself.  i’m really proud of that.  it’s a substantial personal testament to the fact that i still have the discipline to push myself to the next level, and i won’t deny that it makes me feel pretty damn good about me

i’ve already done a heap of research into job opportunities, and i’ll be jumping on those as soon as i’m finished with my course stuff.  as soon as my apps. are out, i’m going to jump into the extra transcription hours i’ve got–my program includes a completely separate program that you can use on your own time to supplement your training, and i’m all over that.  and when i finish those?  well, i’ll go back and type the ones from my classes, if i need to.  anything to stay active with my typing and stay on top of my training.  fingers crossed, thoughts thought, and prayers said for these job opportunities i’ve found, though.  there are a couple that i’m really, really excited about and hopeful for.  we’ll see.

the nice thing about actually having a real job again is the solid hours.  that tidy little block of time carved out of the day somehow gives more freedom than it would seem.  and there’s always the money.  you know how it is.

and on a continued positive note, the computer thing won’t be such a plaque for much longer.  i’m getting a spandy new machine in december.  probably placing the order today, actually.  i’m thrilled!  i’ve been an excellent sport when it comes to putting up with seriously dated technology, and i feel like i have earned this reward.  it’ll be nice to have a computer that doesn’t scratch its head and shrug when i try to open ms word.  i mean, really.  i know people who’ve gone through two or three computers while i’ve had this one.  so i don’t feel bad when i thrill about some new specs

so, i guess all of that is basically to say this:  i miss you, blog.  i miss you, readers.  and i promise that i’m working on our relationship.  i’ll be back in the full swing of things soon.  i really will.  and i can hardly wait!

in case you didn’t know, october is serious about awareness.  i mean, really–there are, what, 30-something things to know about?  it’s national arts and humanities awareness month, lgbt history month, national dental hygiene month, polish-american heritage month, and fair trade month, to name a very, very few.  some of the causes i feel more strongly about than others.  for instance, i’m not desperate to enjoy a polish sausage sandwich while i take a hayride, which–according to the internet–is how polish-american hertiage month is celebrated.  but sign me up for passing out samples of fair trade coffee.

free car with purchase of 6,000 stickers!

thanks to email, text messages, and facebook, i’ve spent the month being bombarded by form posts about awareness.  thanks–most especially–to facebook, i’ve been informed that absurd messages about where i like to put my purse would cure breast cancer.  good to know.  i’m sure when they come up with a similar cure for kidney cancer or uterine cancer, the female members of my immediate family will be thrilled.  similarly, i discovered that if i joined a group of people who said they’d wear purple on spirit, i’d never have to worry about any of my lgbt friends suffering torment.  ever again.  srsly, k?  here’s a secret:  i know some of my friends were in that group.  and i saw a few of them on spirit day.  not wearing purple.  which means that it didn’t work.  way to jinx it.  jerks.

frankly, i’m just offended.  that’s really all you can manage?  my mom is a cancer survivor, and the way my generation pays tribute is to post a chain letter?  i know times are tough, but–as i said when i complained about it on facebook (which did no good.  hmm…perhaps just like the posts about bra colors and purse placements?)–if every person who posted one of those stupid, impersonal messages would have taken the time to donate five or ten bucks instead, that would have raised some awareness. 

but, hey.  i get it.  we’ve got the technology–we just haven’t figured out quite what to do with it yet.  i mean, maybe i’ll start a campaign to make that sort of change.  you know, some little grassroots movement to bring real awareness.  because then i’d be contributing in a way that all this typed ranting doesn’t.  but if i do, it’s going to be for a cause that i haven’t seen enough about this year:

domestic violence awareness.

that’s right.  as if you didn’t have enough to be concerned with, i’m putting my own personal favorite cause out there.  and i suppose it’s important to mention now, because the president is going to address it today, and i’ll be interested to hear what he has to say.

in the meantime, here’s what i have to say:

according to the most recent available statistics for the US:

per year, roughly 192,000 women are diagnosed with breast cancer.

annually, approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner.

granted, far more women die from breast cancer, and–cancer being an unpleasant third cousin in our family–i completely respect that. 

but look at the number of women who are assaulted.  of those, a little more than 1200 die.  the rest of them?  they might have to deal with recurrent nightmares.  they might be afraid to go out alone after dark.  they might be uncomfortable with the fact that they still live in a town where they could be easily located.  and even if they are resilient enough to bounce back and move on, begin to trust, and actually, honest to God enjoy life again, they will fight with that fear and deal with that pain for the rest of their lives. 

in the state of south carolina, if you go to a lawyer and request to file for a divorce on the grounds of physical cruelty, you’ll be told that you won’t get it unless you’ve been hospitalized multiple times.

that.  is.  a.  crime.

those of you who know me well know exactly why i’m posting this.  and i don’t think there’s much else that i need to say, so i’ll leave you with this:

if you’re really interested in being an activist for a cause, any cause, this month, then be active about it.  don’t just send a mass text or repost something because it’s trendy or quasi-suggestive or whatever.  donate time or money or old clothes or whatever you have at your disposal to a charity that benefits that cause.  get out there and tell why you support it.  be bold and brave and speak up and out.  that sort of effort is something i can respect.

alright, if i keep typing, i’ll just weep all over my keyboard and rant so much that i won’t get anything else done today.  so, that’s that.

but, just to cover my arse:  if i one day develop breast cancer, then that will be sucky and tragic and i’ll acknowledge that it’s karma getting me back for this blog post.

so, these are two posts that i’d written within the past few weeks that i’d stuck in the *private* folder.  sometimes, i’ll write something, and then i’ll feel the need to sit on it for a while.  it may not have quite the tone i’d like, or i may feel that i’ve overstepped the limits just a bit.  or, in the case of these, i may be unsure of how, exactly, i feel.  because i take a lot of stuff to heart, and so many things frustrate and concern and confuse me.

sometimes, i’ll discuss my posts with family or friends before i actually publish them.  that was the case with these two, and in both instances, it was brought to my attention that my ranty arguments were based on very deep issues.  personal insecurities, past complications, or an honest belief that people should be held to higher standards than can really be expected these days.  whatever the reason, they’ve sat in that folder and on my mind for a while now, and i’m just going to throw them out there in an exercise of (more than likely futile) catharsis.  here you go:

 

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

we’re all, just like…naked, and stuff…such as…maps?

ladies.  ugh.  i can’t even begin to type fast enough to vent this one. 

by now, it’s no secret that the us women’s water polo team (among other celebrated athletes, both male and female) will be appearing in the 2010 espn magazine body issue.  and, regardless of past traumas that have left me with essentially no respect for nudey-posers, even i can admit that it’s fairly un-shocking.  and the photos are relatively tame (although i don’t find them artistically *tasteful*, which is to say that i wouldn’t go check them out in an art exhibit, even if they are in black and white). 

yep.  naked ladies.  there’s nothing new under the sun.

it’s not like i really have that much room to talk, either, i suppose.  i wear a bikini to the beach, and that doesn’t put a whole heap of fabric between my skin and the imagination.  and i’ve been on-stage in my underwear on multiple occasions–although (rocky horror aside; i wore more than just underwear.  i had a boots.  and a cape.) the times i’ve appeared almost au naturale have served a purpose, have punctuated a strong female message.  and i had to strongly defend those times.  which i did.  with strength and elegance.  because i was wise enough to realize that doing something mildly provocative might raise eyebrows and questions.

in a nutshell:  if you have a strong personal reason that is validated by a contribution that betters society, i won’t scoff at your choices.  if, however, you go on major news stations and answer questions with as little aplomb as miss teen south carolina 2007, i am going to freaking rail you.

so, us women’s water polo team, this one is just for you.

this morning, i was minding my own business, getting stuff done–you know, shower, breakfast, laundry, classwork–when i passed through the living room on my way to get a cup of coffee.  and i paused, because a picture (different from the one above.  i couldn’t find the one i actually saw in any size smaller than "ceiling of teenage boy’s bedroom", and have, therefore, left it out of this post) flashed across the t.v. screen, and the voice of some random female news anchor announced that the us women’s water polo team would be up next to talk about this bold decision. 

well, i thought, i’m not super-interested, but i suppose i could hear what they have to say.  i mean, they represent the u.s., right?  they probably have a really cool message about encouraging little girls to be comfortable with themselves, and to be strong.  …right??

**pause**

i should say, now, before i get carried away, that this is a difficult topic for me.  i don’t have anything solid to stand on when it comes to a lifetime of healthy eating habits.  i was a pudgy kid, because i lived hand to mouth.  then, i became a young adult skeleton on revolt, so i can’t preach against ana, mia, or any of the rest of the ednos.  what i can say is this:  right now, americans are ridiculously unhealthy, but there’s this annoying push to "love who you are, no matter what!"  really?  i’m a big fan of promoting self-love and self-respect, but i feel that those efforts should be put toward taking care of yourself.  eating a doughnut once in a while because you like to, but eating healthfully most of the time and getting regular exercise is reasonable.  eating an entire box of krispy kremes, washing it down with a 38 ounce soda, and then falling slowly into a food-coma, while shouting with carefree abandon, "i ate the whole box without regret because i love my curves!" is just plain stupid.  i’m sure i’ll gripe about that again soon, so i won’t get all the way into it here and now, but when at least 68% of your nation is classified as overweight and/or obese, it’s time to make a change.

all that to say this:

1. feel good enough about yourself to take of yourself?  then, by all means, flaunt those curves!
2. don’t take care of yourself, but still self-righteously proclaim your attributes?  then shut up–you’re annoying me.

i grabbed my mug, trudged (i’m still a tad sicky, mind you) back to the living room to catch the interview, and promptly wished that i’d just kept moving.  the news anchor interviewing the team was a woman, and was very obviously expecting the same thing i was:  to get some form of intelligent commentary regarding empowerment.  or the beauty of the female form.  or the newly discovered scientific fact that naked polo players can correctly predict rainfall within 1/72 of an inch 6 years in advance.  i don’t know.  something.  instead, what we got was this:

anchor:  "so, how did you come to the decision, as a team, to pose for this shoot?"

team member:  "well, they asked us if we wanted to do it.  and we were like, ‘um…sure.’ (giggling)."

anchor:  "…did you feel that it brought you together ever more as a team?"

team member:  "well, um, yeah.  i mean, we’re all, like…naked, and stuff.  but, i mean, we wear bathing suits and that’s it, you know, when we’re together, anyway, so, it wasn’t, like, that much…um…different.  you know?"

anchor:  "haha…right…but did it empower you?  as women?"

team member, "well yeah!  because, like, it was really cool for us to show that we have good bodies.  i mean, like, it was nice to be like, ‘look!  polo women have the best bodies around!’ you know?"

team member:  "i think so, yeah.  right?  because, like…it’s really good for girls to see that, like…you don’t have to be all, like, super-skinny and stuff.  you can be, like, all muscular instead.  you know?"

anchor:  "…well…thanks for joining us ladies."

so, according to the women of the us polo team, as long as you’re all bone or all muscle, you can feel good about yourself.

well, crap.  now i have to completely redefine all my personal ideas and concepts.  i mean, how on earth can i live with myself?  i’m neither all bone nor all muscle.  despite the fact that i eat a (mostly) healthy vegan diet (oreos are vegan and delicious.  i eat them.  just not by the sleeve.) and workout for at least an hour a day, i still undeniably, indisputably, possess hips. 

guess i have to take up water polo and pose nude to be legitimate.  i’ll be back to post something when i qualify as a real woman again, but don’t wait around.  this could take a while…

 

Wednesday, 20 October 2010

…a show called glee shouldn’t make you scoff…

but somehow, i just can’t help it.  i’ve tried to be supportive.  i’ve tried to be positive.  i’ve given it a chance.  and i just want to scream.  i’d assumed that glee had dropped the last straw on me when i heard about the rocky horror episode.  i mean…there’s glee.  and then there’s the rocky horror show (note:  i didn’t say "picture", because the original wasn’t a freaking motion picture, it was a legit musical.  as much as i love the movie and hero crush on tim curry every time i watch it, i can be honest.)  and don’t even get me started on who or what they’re doing with the role of magenta (i’ve played the role, and i still stand firm in the opinion that the only person who should play her, ever, is patricia quinn.  sorry, daphne rubin vega–go back to singing about going out tonight, darling.)

all of that is neither here nor there.  my problem at the moment has to do with the glee gq photo shoot.  or, moreover, interview content about how awesome it is to be role-modeling-it-up for the kids these days.  thanks, lea michelle, i’ve always hoped that my nieces would want to be just like this:

dear lea micheele:  jessica simpson called.
she wants her creepy *mouth-hanging-open-at-an-awkward-angle-in-every-photo-of-her* face back.

now, i don’t care what the 20-something-year-old high school kids from glee do.  they can fornicate in a public park at a kiddie cancer walk-a-thon, and i won’t whine–as long as they stand behind their actions.  but when you walk into a photo shoot saying, "i’m a role model!  kids look up to me!" please, for the love of all things logical, don’t be shocked that the media wolves turn around and go, "but you’re not wearing any pants…"  you’re either out to get attention for yourself or you’re out to get attention for others. 

if i walked out into the street wearing a bright yellow, neon lighted sandwich board and screamed, "look at me!  look at me!"  and someone walked up to me and said, "okay, i’m looking at you.  now what?"  i wouldn’t smile humbly, genuflect, and say meekly, "it’s for the children."

there seems to be a pretty big trend in the constant blathering of young women in the public eye about "loving the fact that they’re role models for little girls."  this goes back to my recent ravings about the terrible public presence of the us womens water polo team after they posed nude for espn magazine.  i honestly don’t think that the people who are being fed the line, "i’m a role model!" know what they’re in for. 

if your goal is to encourage little girls to grow up to be comfortable enough with themselves to have a desire to pose in a potentially questionable manner for random mens magazine #7, then be honest about that. 

if your goal is to encourage little girls to grow up with real dreams that don’t potentially demean them or send them into a spiral of unfortunately body-conscious years and bizarrely disordered behaviors, maybe you should try a different approach.

and, guys?  seriously.  stop encouraging this scheisse.

one last thought.  as much as i’m annoyed by the gq cover and the moral confusion of the interview content, i still feel like it’s more artistically tasteful than this steaming pile of sheet music:

jane lynch is the only good thing happening here.
and what does the dog have to do with any of this?

 

**note**

since i wrote this post, dianna agron has actually apologized for the gq shoot, saying that, while it’s the job of parents to make certain such magazines don’t fall into the hands of children, it’s her job as a role model not to promote images that are inconsistent with her own beliefs and values.  she said that she was uncomfortable with the shoot even while she was doing it and should have walked away.  whether she has a super pr rep or she reached that conclusion on her own, i can respect her for coming out about it.

am i the only person who has noticed the dramatic push by the halloween marketing industry to really sell those couples costumes this year?  i know they’ve always existed, but it seems like they’re being showcased as the hottest new item for this halloween, and i just don’t get it.

i guess this is due, in part, to the fact that i’ve never really been interested in dressing as a couple.  i caved to this concept one halloween and ended up wearing a red bed sheet, after spending an hour using liquid latex and tissues to give my date a scarred-up face.  we went as marv and goldie from sin city.  i wasn’t blonde. he was a jerk.  it was a bad year.

as i was browsing the news this morning, i came across an article showcasing this year’s top couples costumes.  which looked a lot like 2008′s top couples costumes to me.  well, in all fairness, avatar hadn’t come out yet–so those costumes weren’t around two years ago.  but…seriously.  i decided to do a little browsing and came to a speedy conclusion.  there’s nothing new under the pre-fabbed sun.  also, an i point out that four of the five articles i’m drawing from here started with the phrase, "halloween is october 31."  really?  no wonder there’s not a lot of thinking outside the costume box here–that’s like the saddest halloween enjoyment ever: 

"honey, doesn’t halloween happen in the fall?" 

"…yeah, that seems right…"

"oh no! how will we ever narrow it down to a month?  much less a day?!"

"i’ve got this under control:  let’s go shop for costumes.  the people at the store will have to know what day it is."

anyway, here are some of, what the industry is touting as, the best selections:

 

the plug and socket, charmingly modeled by a very blasé justin timberlake.

wow.

 

this costume actually only comes with the handcuffs–clothes not included.  i think it would be quite a bit more entertaining without the clothes, which is–perhaps–what the manufacturer intended.  also, it was out of stock–with a note that, "we are unsure if this product will be available again."  special.

what’s wrong with this?  where should i begin?  nevermind.  i think you can manage.  i’ll give you a hint:  start out somewhere around the creepy nipples screenprinted on adam’s chest, there, or the terrible wig they put eve in.

this one is just called batman and sexy robin.  maybe my childhood has escaped me, but i don’t remember robin being a girl.

or, of course, there’s batman and catwoman.  but that leads to this:

really?  this is like skinny jeans:  only three people exist in the whole world who could wear this, and if you think you’re one of them, you should just go ahead and choose something else.

have you seen the commercial where the mom duct tapes the cardboard and flashlights to the kid to make an iron man costume?  yeah.  me too.

any variation on the hippie theme:  if you’re going to do it, go to a goodwill.  don’t bother to spend the forty bucks per costume from a store.  for forty bucks at goodwill, you could go home with costumes, a water bed, and a gently used car.  jeez.

enough said.

i kid you not, the caption for this on the site i got it from was, "why not switch the position up a bit?" and doesn’t he look like he belongs on kids in the hall?

this was an example on one of the sites, and it was listed as, "a super-easy option."  really?  somehow i wouldn’t call the flashy gold tassels on prince charming’s jacket or the bump-it-worthy ‘do and fully-bustled skirt of cinderella *super-easy*.

 

but this has to be my favorite.  it’s not elegantly detailed or wildly inventive, but–as a vegan–it is deliciously ironic.

and that’s that.

 

anyone out there got a good defense for the couples costume?  what imaginative ensemble would you attempt?

this is in response to an article my boyfriend just posted over on facebook.

this picture does not at all accurately portray lex posting a link on facebook today.

the link didn’t go directly to the article for me, so i pulled up one of my own:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/07/nyregion/07stamps.html

food stamps.  do not spindle.

i thought food stamps were supposed to be for things you needed.  in terms of beverages, the only thing anyone *needs* is water.  although, this is america.  god help us if we take away the people’s milk.  did you know that american children are actually completely incapable of growth and development if they don’t drink milk?  i hear chocolate is the most beneficial -_-

brown cow only has two legs.  probably best not to drink the chocolate milk…

here’s the thing:  mayor bloomberg isn’t banning the sales of soda altogether–though, if he were, i’d applaud it (10 packs of sugar per can, kids.  seriously!).  he’s saying, “if you want soda, you can have it–on your own dime.”  thumbs up!

soda:  now with passion!  and feeling!

i can’t help but feel sardonic when it comes to the whole, “you can’t tell me what i can and can’t eat!” argument.  if i gave you five bucks from my wallet, but didn’t want you to spend it on snack packs, i damn well wouldn’t let you spend it on snack packs.  and why doesn’t anyone ever consider that the government has been regulating food and drink for ages? 

warning:  the green fairy has a terrible hairstylist.

why can’t people in the u.s. buy or import beverages containing wormwood?  because the government says so.  if you want to drink honest-to-goodness absinthe (which is to say: absinthe containing more than 10ppm thujone), you’ll have to take your sugar cube and spoon to spain or the areas of the uk where they allow that sort of debauchery   you may not like it, but if you’re that desperate, you can take your own money, travel to your country of choice, and 130 proof it up all night long…or until you puke bits of your liver, which is a major party foul.

this is about to get completely out of control…

after quite a bit of clicking, i’ve learned that food stamps aren’t at all limited to only the things one would need to survive.  obviously, this article got me all ranty and researchy, so i’ve got a few interesting reads to add:

this one actually lists what is (and isn’t) eligible under the national SNAP program:
http://www.fns.usda.gov/snap/retailers/eligible.htm

and this is a lengthy, and fascinating, look at the reasoning behind food restrictions (or lack thereof):
http://www.fns.usda.gov/ora/menu/Published/snap/FILES/ProgramOperations/FSPFoodRestrictions.pdf

thanks for the afternoon of education, lex

/rant

ahh, readers.  it’s good to be back!

even this post will probably skitter back and forth like everything trying to find a place in my life and brain right now.  between sick family members, school stuff, random ridiculous scenarios, and everything else the world currently has to offer, i’m just lucky i’m still standing!

all of this mess compacted and compounded and carried around on my shoulders on a daily basis is starting to be a bit wearing.  i hate to complain and lament, yet again, it’s just a little rough these days.  the waiting and wondering about my mom and grandmother’s health is the worst of it, for sure.  if the outcome is worst-case, then we’ll have two cancer-laden ladies in the family.  joy.  at best, we’re probably still looking at two sets of treatment (which may, or may not, include surgeries) within the next few months.  double joy. 

it’s awful, because sometimes all i can think is, "if i were away at grad school, i could just be sympathetic from afar."  i know that’s 178 million percent terrible, but i don’t deal well with this kind of stress anymore.  it’s like those crazy twenty-one months of hell i went through zapped me of all my patience, caring, sensitivity, and (perhaps most of all) my coping skills.  now, when i have to spend the majority of the day empathizing with aches and pains, nodding understandingly about lack of energy, and going on quests to (my favorite locations on earth) fast food joints, in search of food combinations only the very most pregnant of women could top, i just want to collapse.

but then, there’s the classwork to be done.  and the personal escape to be found.  but i can’t even have that without paying the price of defending my time and space.  the only serenity i have is in the hours i spend curled up on the futon in lex’s office, pen in hand, books spread open, plowing through page after page of text, pouring more knowledge into my brain than should be humanly possible, and hoping to high heaven that it doesn’t all come gushing back out again.

all of this rant-worthy nonsense led to a decline in my week, ending in what i can only meagerly describe as a very rough day yesterday.  my self-esteem, heart, and brain just weren’t in furthering my existence.  i wanted to bury myself in my bed and lose a day or two out of this year. 

last night helped…i probably wasn’t nearly as good an addition to everyone else’s evening as they were to mine, as i was still a bit morose.  but i managed to wake up this morning with the energy and motivation to finish the chapter i was on for class, do the weekly laundry, and clean myself up a bit.

i’m still not sure how to pack the rest of the stuff into the happy balance i found this morning.  it seems like i can only add so much to my juggling routine before i start dropping things left and right.  i keep up my studies, but then i lose my temper with my family.  i hang out with my family, but then i don’t have time to talk to my friends.  i talk to my friends, and then i can’t put my brain back in my books.  there’s just something always out of place–and i’m not used to that experience.

it’s maddening and dreadfully tiring.

how on earth is one supposed to manage it all? 

i feel like three years ago i was somehow a fully functional adult–and suddenly, i’ve got some parts that are entirely kaput–so the system doesn’t work run quite as smoothly as it once did.

how are you supposed to get all those bits of your juggling act back up in the air after they’ve all fallen down on the ground around you?

 

well, the weekend was awesome, even if it didn’t quite go as planned.  ryan couldn’t make it down due to motorcycle maintenance needs, which was a bummer.  so, instead of a festive vegan cookout, lex and i ended up making a sofa date of it, plates heaped with vegan burgers, huddled together on the office futon, watching the crazies, which surprised me with its level of shock value.  it was really sweet.  i’d post pictures…and i may still…but most of them are of food on plates and lex grinning with a spatula in his hand, haha. 

yesterday, lex was only on call for work, so he was finished by about 10:30.  he texted me when he left the office to see if i wanted to get up to anything.  and since machete had come out, i was definitely up for something   so i asked if he’d like to go see that…thank goodness he was game, because i was pretty much desperate to go!  we headed down to cola and grabbed lunch (delhi palace, where else?) then wandered to goodwill, where i discovered the most amazingly comfy and perfectly worn pair of bellbottoms for 50 cents, because i’m awesome like that.  then we headed over to the theatre to grab seats for the movie.

**interjection:  i’m unbelievably lucky to have a sweet, generous, patient, hilarious, and adorable boyfriend who puts up with all of my crazy and unusual interests.  i’m even luckier still that he can enjoy them right along with me!**

now, let me say that basically anything robert rodriguez puts his hands on is gold to me.  just like quentin.  i’m a loyal fan.  i’d been waiting for machete to come out since they spoofed the trailer in the grindhouse double feature.  and, let me tell you, it did not disappoint.  i was basically grinning madly the whole time, cackling and cheering and noisily enjoying the heck out of the film.  i don’t want to waste any of the awesome by giving away even the tiniest detail, so all i can say is:  if you like rodriguez, you need to get to the theatre.  now.  i mean it.

the only bummer part about the past few days (which have been surprisingly and wonderfully awesome!) is that i think i’m fighting a cold or something.  that’s unfortunate   i made it almost all the way through the year without coming down with a bug, so i’m pretty well ticked about it.  i’m popping meds like candy (which makes my heart (and, therefore, blood pressure) go insane, and i’m battling with all i’ve got, but today i’m definitely feeling that weird disconnect that comes with the fever, chills, sore throat, and achy funk of a cold.  boooooooo.

oh well.  i’ll just keep on doing my best!

i guess that’s it for now.  i’ve got to go attempt to clear the medication fog and screw my brain in tight enough to focus on another chapter review.  test again tomorrow, i believe.  class is flying!

have a great day, guys